Squattlemoop

Upon reading this first sentence, you know that I speak English. You can also infer that I’m literate and of an age capable of using grammar properly (hopefully). Whether or not English is my first language is harder to determine. By the fourth sentence (this sentence), you have a rough idea about what is being communicated and why, but it is by no means fully understood— until you’ve read it in its entirety.

Many other clues are available to you by this point. By the style of writing and the words I choose, an impression of me forms in your mind. You might be able to estimate my level of education or the conditions under which I am writing. For example, this passage is coherent (hopefully), so you might infer, consciously or not, that I am of relatively sound mind. It would be difficult to write coherently if I were under the influence of either certain brain diseases or substances.

Interestingly, you are unable to infer the method by which these words came to be. You may not necessarily conclude that I have fingers to write with, nor eyes to see. I could also be completely paralyzed, communicating only by blinking. But you would be right to conclude that each letter was hammered out on a set of keys.

I, the writer, on the other hand am in a precarious position. I know nothing about you unless we are acquainted. If you are reading this, I can infer that you speak some English. Being able to do so also implies you are at least the age of literacy. But that is really all I can conclude. I may not conclude that you understand everything I am saying, because I do not know your mind and you are not able to tell me.

For example, if I use the word “squattlemoop” I have no idea whether you know what that means. And there’s no way for you to tell me. You also have no idea if I know what it means. Yes, I wrote it, but I could have made it up. In this case, I did. This particular problem doesn’t dissuade the writer. It doesn’t dissuade me.

I, the writer, am also in the privileged position to have control of your mind. I can make you think of anything I like. It could be something completely frivolous, like an apple painted purple, cut in half, laying on a marble table. See? You are following my direction. Now, you certainly do not have to follow along. You are by no means compelled.

Still here? Then clearly, you enjoy following an idea and seeing where it goes. At this point, not much has been said and you will likely walk away thinking, “Well, that was odd.” And that will be the last thought about this passage, ever.

But, if you are still reading (I’m not sure why), then it makes me wonder what else I should communicate to you. I have already pointed out a number of features of reading that are often taken for granted. For example, the inferences you make either consciously or subconsciously. Interesting indeed. Let me point out another: how you’re feeling right now significantly affects the quality of this experience. If you are thinking about other things or wondering what else you have to do today, then you are apt to view this experience as unimportant.

I would not blame you at all for thinking that. On the contrary, I would encourage you to stop and go and do the things that you think you need to or want to do. Only continue if you really feel like it. I mean, at this point, you are clearly invested. You like being directed by letters on a screen and seeing how else I will manipulate your thoughts. You are curious as to where I am going. So am I. Spoiler alert: I am not going anywhere. I have no plan, it is just you and me. Right now.

Back to what I was saying. If you were feeling at ease and relaxed with no pressing appointments to attend, then this experience is likely pleasurable. It’s like watching a sunset because it is completely out of your control, but somehow it tickles a little part of the brain that makes the activity feel rewarding. It is probably effortless, your eyes skim from left to right, and the meaning sort of appears in your mind. Some people think that rewarding feelings guide everything we do and unrewarding feelings make us avoid everything we don’t do. What do you think? If you could please speak up, that would be great. I can’t really hear you. Hm, I’m still not getting a response. This is a bit of a problem. Alright, well that was fun. You’re free to go now. Or maybe you already did. In that case, these words were never read.